Fame is a Tough Baby

Unless you have no access whatsoever to any kind of media and/or communication, including Pony Express and smoke signals, then you probably already know that The New Enthusiast was shouted out to a couple of days ago by a world famous basketballing nerdbone ubersite. It was bound to happen sooner or later; it just seems like sooner made more sense to the world. Fine with me.

First off, in re our fame, I want to thank Kevin Pelton of Basketball Prospectus for it (ie the fame). Without it, I couldn’t do all of the great things I’m about to do with it (ie, once again, the fame).

Second off, I want to say hello to all my babies’ mamas. (Actually, not really. It’s just, I’ve never really found a context to say that and thought maybe this was it. Turns out, it’s not.)

Third off, I’d like to inform the reader of how I, personally, will use my new-found celebrity in a short piece I’ve decided to call:

HOW CARSON CISTULLI WILL USE HIS NEW-FOUND CELEBRITY

I, Carson Cistulli, will use my new-found celebrity…

  • To release an album I’ve been working on called Cos’ ‘N Effect, which is a whole bunch of clips from this Best of Bill Cosby CD I own sampled over what I like to refer to as “fat beats.”
  • To donate my body to science. Not after I die or anything like that; I mean right now. Oh, and the sort of science I want to donate it to? Reproductive science. Aw yeah, you fill in the blanks.
  • To back a candidate about whom I have no opinion other than “he’s my kind of guy.”
  • To learn about a foreign culture by traveling to it and staying in its most expensive hotels.

And finally, the last way in which I will use my new-found celebrity:

  • To start the sexiest, smartest weblog on the internet. (Oh, I forgot: already did that!)

Um, that’s it, except for today’s trivia question: Can you guess which dirty, disgusting writer is responsible for the quote that is the subject of this post? 100 million dollars to the person who gets it.

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8 Comments on “Fame is a Tough Baby”

  1. Sean Casey says:

    Carson,

    Great post! I believe that the title would be more accurately rendered, “Fame is a tough, hard baby.” I will let another curious reader do the research.

    Sean

  2. Fredorrarci says:

    That’s a dangerous offer to make in an era of smartasses and search engines

    • Cistulli says:

      Shit, Fredorrarci. Not only are you now entitled to my 100 million dollars, but you also – and I’m thinking this is probably worse – you also totally stole the name for the second album I was going to release, aka Smartassess and Search Engines. It’s got sort of an R.-Kelly-meets-Woody-Allen-meets-a-couple-16-year-old-girls sound to it. The word bumpin’ doesn’t quite do it justice.

  3. King Tom says:

    Sorry to burst your bubble C, but “Smartassess and Search Engines” is the title of my autobiography. It’s a feel-good story of how an otherwise unassuming chap wows and amazes those by knowing how quotation marks, minus and plus signs work in Google.

    Congratulations on the newfound fame. Don’t go ruining it!

  4. Cheese says:

    Carson, I just have to say, Cos’ ‘n Effect is actually making me laugh aloud, as they say.

  5. Fredorraci says:

    Can you retroactively trademark something? Because even the $100 million isn’t going to cushion the blow of missing out on that.

  6. Dan Hoonose says:

    Speaking of search engines, what crazy bastard website is going to pick up this post. Bill Cosby, Rudy Fernandez, 16 year old girls as search terms

  7. Dan Hoonose says:

    tough baby too.


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