The New Enthusiast

Reader, feast your eyes on the two newest (here and here) installments of the literary craze that's sweeping the nation. Or, if not the nation, then at least certain upper-middle class neighborhoods of America's bumpin'-est cities. It's the Ecstatic Truth Baseball Report!

Ask not what your Cistulli can do for you, but what you can do for your Cistulli.

Carson Cistulli has some serious questions for you himself.

Failure is Carson Cistulli's middle name. Actually, it's Harrington, but who's counting?

Now with real people! Click here to join in the fun.

Double your pleasure not pain! Reports for Friday, May 8 and Sunday, May 10 are available!

In which the author does everything ad nauseum.

Portland Beavers lose! Wide readership wins!

"Shane Battier’s game," writes Michael Lewis in this article from today's Times, "is a weird combination of obvious weaknesses and nearly invisible strengths." First in baseball (using Billy Beane as his entree), and then in football (both with Mike Leach and Michael Oher), that "weird combination" has been at the center of Lewis's concerns. Now basketball is the sport in question and Duke man Shane Battier and Rockets' GM Daryl Morey are the gentlemen of interest. Also of interest is Michael Lewis's prose style, which is about as smoove as a Jason Williams crossover.

Via TrueHoop, the the perfect place to pick up some last-minute presents.

Have you found yourself recently wondering what mid-90s Washington Redskin linebacker Ken Harvey has been up to since retirement? Wonder no more. I don't know about the name, though...instead of Float Ball, maybe something like...Space Ball?

Imagine you were an inventor trying really hard to invent the 8-Track and then you visited your inventor-friend's house and he was listening to Bryan Adams's "Summer of '69" on something he'd made called a "CD Player"—a format which offered not only much better sound quality, but was also much easier to store and also less stupid. Well, that's how I felt today when I happened across Free Darko's Every Game Preview. Frig.

Zach Dundas, proprietor of Eleven Devils, Zach Dundas: The Blog, and also a family, has found himself on the front lines of Enthusiastic Research. In advance of his book, The Renegade Sportsman—about which he will most definitely keep you updated by means of tireless self-promotion—he's also written and narrated a series of videos alongside GOOD Magazine. You know how you're supposed to feel good when your friends succeed? I actually don't really feel like that. Jerk.

Alot of people—and I mean alot of people—have been asking about how they can get tickets to the very competitive, very grueling Wiffleball games that Ross and I play. Unfortunately, on account of all sorts of contract issues and anxiety disorders, actually attending a game isn't really a possibility. However, I thought I'd throw some of ya'll a bone, and so I put together this highlight reel of our latest game against each other. FYI, Carson Cistulli is the one with the number 34 on his back. Ross is everyone else.

What alot of people say about me, Carson Cistulli, is that I demonstrate beaucoup de sticktoitiveness. As if I had to prove myself any further, here are the highlights from the OSU v USC game that I was eulogizing yesternight. In particular, there are two runs and a little screen-y type pass with the Quizz (between, like, 2:02 and 3:30) that defy expectations. Listen, all people want these days is to have their expectations defied a little bit. And that's how we do here, at L'enthousiaste nouvelle.

This isn't really the most impressive clip of him, but it'll do. Tonight, I just watched Jacquizz Rodgers for the first time, and I'm like, hello. First of all, his name is Quizz, so he's got that going for him, which is nice. Second of all, he's able to turn on a dime (which doesn't mean as much as it used to in this economy, I understand). And also, he's a powerful little guy. And also, every announcer feels compelled to refer to him almost exclusively as "little guy."

Two years ago, while playing for Alemania Aachen, Jan Schlaudraff scored the goal which compelled me to hail him—perhaps somewhat prematurely, I admit—as the best ever footballer of all time, no questions asked, don't even talk to me about it, shut up. This past weekend, two clubs later, Schlaudraff scored almost the exact same goal in Hannover's drubbing of Borussia Monchengladbach (which I just said five times fast, by the way, and it was amazing). Oh, this one, from the same game, is also great and would suffice.

Reader Paul, an old friend who possesses a limited understanding of the internet, asks, "So, Carson, is this blogging business—is it a money- making operation, or a feel-good operation?" Because it's an either/or question, and because I know that TNE is not a money-making operation, then I'm forced to conclude that it's a feel-good operation. I'm also forced to make this the new un-tagline.

Zach Dundas—a.k.a. the most real of the Real American Heroes—has used the phrase "Christ on a unicycle" in his brief match report of England's victory over Croatia. I'm afraid I don't have much to say about the match, but I'd just like to take a moment to champion Dundas's use of this under-utilized ejaculation. It's a fact: Zach Dundas brings the ruckus to the English language.

AS Roma, just like Arsenal in England, are routinely criticized for an excess of passing and lack of shooting. "Monkeying around," I believe it's called. The neutral supporter doesn't care, so long as he's entertained. Here's a video recap of Roma's draw with Napoli the weekend before last. Of particular interest: deft passing from Daniele DeRossi and Alberto Aquilani at around :35 and :57, respectively.

Or a friend of his does, at least. Scroll down to the end of this interview to read one more dissenting voice in the different strokes debate.

A question I've often asked about swimming...uh, resurfaced during the Olympics: Why are there separate races for different strokes? This former British ping-pong champ wonders the same thing, and also offers a dissenting view on the loftiness of Michael Phelps's feat. -RPM

Helen DeWitt, author of "The Last Samurai (not THAT Last Samurai), links to an interview with her about how information is transmitted in games and how rules are and are not like the grammar of natural languages. Interesting? Interesting. -RPM

The big recent change in our design template from Contempt ("a more professional version of Kubrick, sporting hard lines and 2-columns") to Cutline ("a squeaky clean, minimalistic two-column wonder") has everyone here at The New Enthusiast pretty excited. One problem has arisen, however—namely, the lack of a tagline, the possibilities of which I'd already considered with some enthusiasm. No matter. We'll get through it. It's just sometimes you wonder how much of the bad you'll have to wade through before you get to the good. -CC

I love this fine lady. Are you with me?