Selected Aphorisms #55

The fifty-fifth installment in our handwringing new series.

En route to the cafe this morning, I was forced to pass a woman walking more slowly than me in the same direction. That may not sound like much when you read it on your little computer screen, but trust me when I say that it’s among life’s more awkward situations. Does this lady think I’m stalking her? Do I greet her as I pass by? If so, when exactly? If the SATs were full of questions like these instead of the ones that’re actually on there, I’d've probably had to settle on a school like Cornell or Brown or — noooooooo! — U Penn.