On Hot Oily Men

If there’s one thing about a hot, oily man, it’s that such a chap is not easily wrestled.

It is rumored that the first hot, oily man was a dolphin in disguise.

An oily man is not often hot—nor a hot man, oily. But the expressions “Oily man, of standard temperature” and “Hot man, dry” do not come tumbling from the tongue.

The first hot, oily man in recorded history was none too pleased about his predicament as either hot or oily. It was, however, his fault for being both. He was a notoriously difficult man.

Curiously enough, most cannibals eat their men cold, and refrain from using oils in the kitchen.

The risks and injuries associated with being a hot, oily man are as rarely discussed as those associated with being an inexperienced yogi.

Hot, oily men report rapid acceleration, bruised ribs, strained thighs, slips of the tongue, growth of dorsal fins, overall discomfort, and shininess.

Once hot and oily, it is inadvisable for a man to read a book, stand near an open flame, conduct a cub scout meeting, or discourse on conservative principles.