Selected Aphorisms #88
Posted: October 12, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms Leave a comment »The eighty-eighth installment in our intermittent series.
I guard myself against insults, but even moreso against praise. Anyone who insults me is a fool. With those who praise me, it’s different: only some of them are fools.
Selected Aphorisms #87
Posted: July 27, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, dread, Rodney Dangerfield Leave a comment »The eighty-seventh installment in our occasionally dreadful series.
I channelled Rodney Dangerfield for a moment
and all I got was this natty dread.
Selected Aphorisms #86
Posted: July 21, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, God of Insouciance Leave a comment »The eighty-sixth installment in our divinyl series.
Who’s the God of Insouciance? I’d like to add him on Facebook.
Selected Aphorisms #85
Posted: June 9, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, the ladies, timepieces 1 Comment »The eighty-fifth installment in our super superficial series.
That girl — she has less of an hourglass, and more of a stopwatch, figure.
Selected Aphorisms #84
Posted: June 7, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, butlers (notable TV), personality test Leave a comment »The eighty-fourth installment in our inquisitive series.
Answer: More Benson or more Mr. Belvedere?
Question: What’s an effective, question-long personality test?
Selected Aphorisms #83
Posted: June 4, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, comedy (lay down) Leave a comment »The eighty-third installment in our periodically dramatic series.
The phrase Lay-Down Comedian is a euphemism for at least two things — as I will now demonstrate for the audience.
Selected Aphorisms #82
Posted: June 2, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, Le Rochefoucauld, unusual and impossible (differences between), Wodehouse Leave a comment »The eighty-second installment in our occasionally unusual series.
After reading Le Rochefoucauld, I’m capable of writing only sentence-long maxims. After reading Wodehouse, I can’t restrain myself from effecting the voice of a British aristocrat.
For the present aphorism, then, I’ve conducted an experiment: I read only my interior self.
“Your interior self?” the reader is maybe saying. “That’s impossible.” To which I respond: “You’re confusing the unusual and the impossible. This is an instance of the former.”
Selected Aphorisms #81
Posted: June 1, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, minds (reading of), pornography (not) Leave a comment »The eighty-first installment in our definitely not pornographic series.
I read minds, but just for the articles.
Selected Aphorisms #80
Posted: May 30, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, correction Leave a comment »The eightieth installment in our constantly vigilant series.
CORRECTION: In Aphorism #75, I cited a fictional political debate called the Freaking Issue when, in point of fact, the Big Fanta Situation, Great Home-Gym Concern, or Panty Removal Initiative would have been more pleasing for the reader.
Selected Aphorisms #79
Posted: May 28, 2011 Filed under: Aphorisms | Tags: aphorism, lexicography (sexy uses of), tubers Leave a comment »The seventy-ninth installment in our lexicographic series.
You write potato, I write potato.
