Apropos my research on the ideal mobile plan for my family, it’s difficult to know what’s less pleasant: the horrifying banality of the task itself, or that it actually manages to please me.
In alphabetical order:
As a child, I was frequently surprised by the parents with which Circumstance had supplied me. What I was incapable of understanding, however, is that they could feel the same way about their son.
Descriptions of joy are less abundant than those of misery. Because misery itself is more abundant? Perhaps. But more likely: while in the midst of that feeling denoted as joy, the prospect of taking pains to make a record of the experience is a dismal and tedious one.
My inability to conceive of the best-case scenario is a product of limited reason; the worst-case scenario, of limited imagination.
The writers of Two and a Half Men and the aesthetic disciples of Jorie Graham, while probably unfamiliar with each other’s work, both traffic in the same vocation — namely, as Purveyors of Tedium.
Three possible improvements to the work of Jorie Graham:
- A Jorie Graham poem with a laugh track.
- A Jorie Graham poem written in front of a live studio audience.
- A Jorie Graham poem closed captioned for the hearing impaired.
Jorie Graham’s poems, by virtue of their obscurity, necessarily keep the reader at arm’s length. Practically speaking, this isn’t a problem: the discerning reader will inevitably choose to stand much further away.
To conduct oneself with humility in public while privately harboring notions of one’s own preeminence: this is shrewd.
To celebrate one’s talents publicly, but to question the magnitude of those talents in private: this is the start of a tragedy.
To be convinced of one’s virtues entirely: this is a sign of mental illness.
To doubt one’s worth constantly: this is merely reasonable.
This child’s sense of wonder is infectious, and also so are his scabies.
The problem with the critic is that, after drinking the blood of Christ, his inclination is merely to offer a taste profile.
Exercise is the sort of endeavor one is glad to have performed in the past — rather, that is, than to be performing at the moment. With intercouse, it’s frequently the opposite.