On Jorie Graham: Three Sentences

The writers of Two and a Half Men and the aesthetic disciples of Jorie Graham, while probably unfamiliar with each other’s work, both traffic in the same vocation — namely, as Purveyors of Tedium.

Three possible improvements to the work of Jorie Graham:

  • A Jorie Graham poem with a laugh track.
  • A Jorie Graham poem written in front of a live studio audience.
  • A Jorie Graham poem closed captioned for the hearing impaired.

Jorie Graham’s poems, by virtue of their obscurity, necessarily keep the reader at arm’s length. Practically speaking, this isn’t a problem: the discerning reader will inevitably choose to stand much further away.

The Four Sorts of Personal Conduct (And Their Respective Implications)

To conduct oneself with humility in public while privately harboring notions of one’s own preeminence: this is shrewd.

To celebrate one’s talents publicly, but to question the magnitude of those talents in private: this is the start of a tragedy.

To be convinced of one’s virtues entirely: this is a sign of mental illness.

To doubt one’s worth constantly: this is merely reasonable.