Mistake One Doesn’t Want To Make at a Seder

Hiding the Kofi Annan instead of the Afikoman.


Thing For Which I’m Thankful: T-Shirt Edition

That with their t-shirts, Nike, has filled in the douche-niche vacuum that was once inhabited by No Fear t-shirts.


Words, Not From a Sign at Marine Bootcamp

“Farts are just gas leaving the body.”


From the Sabermetric Nickname Hall of Fame

“Regression To The Mean” Joe Greene.


Actual Misspelled Library Catalog Search Term Of The Private School Child.

Pattont Lawer


Rhyme I Will Probably Never Perform at a Children’s Storytime.

I Am A Top


Change That Occurs to Author When He’s Been Drinking

Author starts evening, “Lactose Intolerant”.

Author ends evening, “Stinky”.


Non-Verbal Communication Throughout the Ages.

Gesture: Throwing both hands in the air 

Time period: Invention of firearms-2000:

Interpretation: “Please don’t shoot me!”

Gesture: Throwing both hands in the air 

Time Period: 2000-Present

Interpretation: “I’ve just finished plating my dishes on a competitive cooking television program!”


A More Inclusive Holiday Name.

Ashy Wednesday.


Lamentation Of An Unpopular 1920′s Bluesman, Revisited

I could fucking put “Mississippi” in front of my name too!


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