Response to an Individual Holding a “Don’t Tread on Me” Flag
Posted: May 22, 2012 Filed under: Other | Tags: don't tread on me, tea party Leave a comment »“Is a ‘wet willy’ acceptable?”
Response to an Individual Holding a “Don’t Tread on Me” Flag
Posted: May 22, 2012 Filed under: Other | Tags: don't tread on me, tea party Leave a comment »“How about a towel fight instead?”
Response to an Individual Holding a “Don’t Tread on Me” Flag
Posted: May 21, 2012 Filed under: Other | Tags: don't tread on me, tea party Leave a comment »“Good thing you’ve got that flag! I was just about to continue my constitutional on your person.”
Bad Business Idea
Posted: May 21, 2012 Filed under: Other Leave a comment »Touch-free Erotic Massage
An Answer to Girls’ Lack of Diversity
Posted: May 10, 2012 Filed under: Discovery | Tags: billy dee williams, diversity, girls, hbo, lando calrissian, lena dunham, star wars, white 3 Comments »There has been much discussion of late about the lack of diversity on the new HBO series Girls. Lena Dunham, the show’s writer and star, has stated that she intends to increase diversity in future seasons.
To help Dunham, we at The New Enthusiast have put our heads together to nominate an individual we believe is ideally suited to rescue Girls from its diversity desert.
Two words: Lando Calrissian.
That’s right. Bring back Billy Dee Williams to reprise his role as Lando Calrissian, administrator of Cloud City from The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi.
Calrissian is a curious amalgam of Armenian and African and, of course, none of either because he’s from another universe. The depths of this diversity are breathtaking.
Thank us later, Lena Dunham.
Simile Giveaway: Hot Chicks Edition
Posted: May 8, 2012 Filed under: Discovery | Tags: simile Leave a comment »In an effort to improve the quality of contemporary verse, The New Enthusiast periodically injects a dose of quality figurative language into the blogosphere. Our previous edition gave hope to many poets struggling to register some small acreage of the vast wilds within. This edition turns its male gaze to the motif of the hot chick, and, from there, the sublime. Sit squarely in your seat, reader, and brace yourself for a torrent of textual pleasure and possibility.
Like a hot chick in a comic book store
Like a hot chick atop Mount Fuji
Like a hot chick with a fever
Like a hot chick paying attention to what you say, and you’re ugly
Like a hot chick parallel parking with expert precision
Like a hot chick with Ebola
Like a hot chick with a lot on her mind
Like a hot chick who’s so cool you can’t call her a hot chick anymore
Like a hot chick who uses the word “like” a lot
Like a hot chick whom you’re related to by marriage
Like a hot chick observing chicks hatching inside an incubator
Like a hot chick “liking” something unlikeable on Facebook
Like a hot chick with an active Myspace account
Like you resting in indecent contemplation of a hot chick
Alternatives to “Raise the Roof!”
Posted: May 4, 2012 Filed under: Discovery 3 Comments »“Tidy up, so this room feels more spacious!”
“Deepen the basement!”
“Content yourself with low ceilings!”
“Ingest drugs, and alter your perception of this structure’s dimensions!”
Party Stopper
Posted: May 3, 2012 Filed under: Other Leave a comment »If you don’t mind, I’d like to spend some time alone with your cat.

