Three Definitions of Polemicist


  1. One who, containing an excess of shit, is compelled to discharge some quantity of it by mouth.
  2. One who traffics in human weakness — his own, first and foremost.
  3. A sort of abusive magician who, having pulled a rabbit from his hat, denounces the entire rabbit species and their perverted tastes in hiding.

A Problem of History

History, whether attempting to account for the masses or merely a privileged few, remains flawed insofar as it’s a record only of exertions — precisely the sort of behavior a reasonable person makes a point of avoiding.

Preferable would be a history of idleness. Of course, by definition, it can’t exist. No one sensible enough to conceive of it would consent to enduring the tedium inherent to composing such a document.

Against Wellbeing

It’s best to avoid an excess of physical wellbeing — to cultivate an ache or some other sort of mild discomfort to which one can reliably turn. That way, when actual disease arrives — and it inevitably arrives — the descent into poor health won’t be so conspicuous and, as a result, demoralizing.