- One who, containing an excess of shit, is compelled to discharge some quantity of it by mouth.
- One who traffics in human weakness — his own, first and foremost.
- A sort of abusive magician who, having pulled a rabbit from his hat, denounces the entire rabbit species and their perverted tastes in hiding.
A recent study shows that literary fiction improves the reader’s capacity for empathy. Speaking anecdotally, I see considerable merit in these findings. Having read Joyce’s Ulysses in college, for example, I feel awful for anyone compelled to do the same.
History, whether attempting to account for the masses or merely a privileged few, remains flawed insofar as it’s a record only of exertions — precisely the sort of behavior a reasonable person makes a point of avoiding.
Preferable would be a history of idleness. Of course, by definition, it can’t exist. No one sensible enough to conceive of it would consent to enduring the tedium inherent to composing such a document.
It’s best to avoid an excess of physical wellbeing — to cultivate an ache or some other sort of mild discomfort to which one can reliably turn. That way, when actual disease arrives — and it inevitably arrives — the descent into poor health won’t be so conspicuous and, as a result, demoralizing.
The main effect of publishing a book is that it allows the author an opportunity to be ignored publicly — instead of just around the house, like usual.
An author of some repute, indulging in characteristic hyperbole, has suggested that there’s nothing more frightening than a blank page. One is forced to assume, in this case, that he’s unfamiliar with the signs and symptoms of that condition known as necrotizing fasciitis.
New sitcoms are making their respective debuts this month. Here’s one of the most recent.
Through a series of absurd and ultimately unexplained Human Resource errors, celebrity philosopher Slavoj Žižek is named head coach of the Indiana University men’s basketball team. Contrary to what one might expect, however — i.e. that he’d dismiss interest in the program as a palliative endeavor for those suffering the trauma of life — he embraces his role entirely, developing almost an encyclopedic knowledge of contemporary offensive schemes and populating multiple social-media accounts with inspirational musings on the nature of competition.