Unless you have no access whatsoever to any kind of media and/or communication, including Pony Express and smoke signals, then you probably already know that The New Enthusiast was shouted out to a couple of days ago by a world famous basketballing nerdbone ubersite. It was bound to happen sooner or later; it just seems like sooner made more sense to the world. Fine with me.
First off, in re our fame, I want to thank Kevin Pelton of Basketball Prospectus for it (ie the fame). Without it, I couldn’t do all of the great things I’m about to do with it (ie, once again, the fame).
Second off, I want to say hello to all my babies’ mamas. (Actually, not really. It’s just, I’ve never really found a context to say that and thought maybe this was it. Turns out, it’s not.)
Third off, I’d like to inform the reader of how I, personally, will use my new-found celebrity in a short piece I’ve decided to call:
HOW CARSON CISTULLI WILL USE HIS NEW-FOUND CELEBRITY
I, Carson Cistulli, will use my new-found celebrity…
- To release an album I’ve been working on called Cos’ ‘N Effect, which is a whole bunch of clips from this Best of Bill Cosby CD I own sampled over what I like to refer to as “fat beats.”
- To donate my body to science. Not after I die or anything like that; I mean right now. Oh, and the sort of science I want to donate it to? Reproductive science. Aw yeah, you fill in the blanks.
- To back a candidate about whom I have no opinion other than “he’s my kind of guy.”
- To learn about a foreign culture by traveling to it and staying in its most expensive hotels.
And finally, the last way in which I will use my new-found celebrity:
- To start the sexiest, smartest weblog on the internet. (Oh, I forgot: already did that!)
Um, that’s it, except for today’s trivia question: Can you guess which dirty, disgusting writer is responsible for the quote that is the subject of this post? 100 million dollars to the person who gets it.