Seven Things I’d Rather Do Than Conduct Another Google Image Search for “Necrotizing Fasciitis”

  1. Ride a tiny Ski-Doo into Puke City.
  2. Utilize a rototiller in the sexual way.
  3. Tongue-kiss dead Adolf Hitler indefinitely.
  4. Pledge allegiance to Captain Tampon.
  5. Eat a deodorant stick in a social setting.
  6. Make pasta salad with cremains as the only ingredient.
  7. Give the SWAT team access to my vas deferens area.
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