On June 13th, I received an email from the Home Depot with the following subject line: Don’t forget Dad this Father’s Day. This is my reply.
Dear Home Depot,
I received your June 13 reminder about Father’s Day, wherein you urged me not to forget my father, but honor his presence in my life with a gift from the Home Depot. A gift card, a compressor. Perchance a tool belt.
What a fool you are, Home Depot.
Home Depot, are you even on nodding acquaintance with my father? If you were, you would know the only way to remember my father this Father’s Day is to forget Home Depot.
As soon as I send you this note, Home Depot, you’ll be far from my mind, and growing further.