Poem: Variations on the Evening News

Attendees of a recent neighborhood meeting
were surprised to find an infant there
attempting rather aggressively
to sell certain types of pharmaceuticals
that are illegal probably even in space.
“He was quite belligerent,” one witness said,
“and dressed head-to-toe like a black person
from this one world-cultures class I remember.”
Police say the situation was resolved
when the infant dismembered Susan,
who pretty much everyone hates, anyway.

***

In health news,
the AMA released a statement this morning
urging all men over the age of 40
to have their trash cans fingered a little bit
by a doctor dressed or not dressed in hot pants
just to make sure everything is 100%
in that one department, if you know what I mean.

***

Finally, it appears as though
peace talks have broken down
between a couple of assholes
just outside the Wendy’s you pass
en route to the beltline.
Officials expect the parties
to continue arguing about whose sack
is most glamorous to look at.

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