Exchange from a Non-Extant Woody Allen Film

An ADMISSIONS OFFICER at a progressive New York City elementary school is leading a campus tour for a PARENT OF PROSPECTIVE STUDENT, played by Allen.

ADMISSIONS OFFICER

We offer criticisms here in the form of a “compliment sandwich.” Are you familiar with that? The critique is “sandwiched” between two compliments.

PARENT OF PROSPECTIVE STUDENT

Yes, I’m familiar. My mother used to give them to me — although her compliment sandwiches were open-faced, at best.

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