Exchange from a Non-Extant Woody Allen Film

An agitated PATIENT, played by Allen, lies on a THERAPIST’s couch.


It’s terrible, doctor. I can’t rid myself of this overwhelming sense that everything is hopeless.


Many people benefit from an activity that requires consistent, periodic attention. For example, have you tried gardening?


Gardening? Doctor, I tried. I’m one of the few — my radishes, they attempted to stage a coup. It’s embarrassing.


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