Five Fragments of Poems

When asked if literature could act as a surrogate for religion,
he yelled and slammed his opponent’s hand on the table,
winning not only the grand prize but also his son’s affection.

***

The object of the game is to remain entirely motionless
lest anyone notice the priceless expression
forming on the Ultimate Warrior’s face
as he runs full speed into a terrifying job market.

***

The hot news of the day is Zika virus
spreading across the noodles mom just cooked.

***

In Florida today, a man has been convicted
of breaking into a pregnancy test.
He’s being held up to the sun,
so officials can examine the strange markings.

***

I’m not blameless myself, of course.
When presented with an opportunity to give back,
I just sit in traffic for an hour,
humming the theme song from my colonoscopy.

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